Bully for Conformity

As coverage on local and national news alike would suggest, it would seem that the subject of bulling is finally being taken seriously in our country, which I can only take as a positive development. Amongst all the talk about concerned school administrators on the one hand and indifferent ones on the other, one impression of the phenomena that I have long noted has, as far as I can tell, not been discussed at all.

That is, in short, the idea that "bullies" are in many cases not the enemies of the school administration but, in fact, its tools. When I was in high school, at least half of the bullies were varsity athletes, "good kids" that got a pass from teachers/administrators/coaches. A number of the very worst bullies were also the kids of teachers or school employees, and, even when their parents were explicitly told what their kids were doing, they did nothing to intervene. Bullying occurred not at the hands of kids who had been abused themselves, etc. (it is too nice to think that they might have been), but rather by kids who were being give a pass on their behavior.

These bullies were fully aligned with the power structure and harassed and menaced others in proportion to the extent that they were outsiders. Some of them clearly even saw themselves as little policemen, trying to stamp out disorder in the society in which they were favored. The more people were like everyone else, the less likely they were to be bullied themselves. One of the more popular songs was Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall," and kids sang the lyrics to it knowing exactly what they meant ... but they were damn sure to sing them when, where, and how they were supposed to.

So, bullying probably brings to mind different images to most of us -- but I would suggest that in some cases it should bring to mind the idea of the order, conformity, and homogeneity it is meant to encourage.

The Price of Extremism

Every time I watch a movie about Northern Ireland, the civil war in Yugoslavia, the genocide in Rwanda -- not the mention the news about more current events -- I am reminded of the cost associated with the extreme absurd result of intolerance amongst the peoples of a nation.

This, I think, is why I have chosen to reject the most extreme religious and political movements in our country today ... the essence of what they believe is irrelevant, even if in some cases it happens to be more compatible with my own beliefs with those of the opposition, because they are willing to trample on the "wrong" beliefs of others.

Sure, it feels good to rail against people with beliefs opposed to your own, to demonize and villify them, and there is so much more of that in our society than there has ever been before. Incivility and intolerance have become commonplace among the leaders of some our nation's factions. I recently read a news story about an event in which a state official publicly referred to the President of the United States as "a Chicago thug." Disgusting. It is a sign of how far that we have slipped that a roomfull of of middle-aged women applauded that comment rather than being revolted by it.

And, if you really believe in something then you might believe that doing anything to achieve the ends associated with it is a good thing ... It's not. Not in a country like ours; this is the crux of disaster, this sense of moral right. Whatever else you believe America is about, it's about tolerance, and accepting that other people have a right to live as they choose ... even if you don't like it. The consequences of intolerance are only worse.

Sex, and the crap that follows.

If you are a woman and you want to sleep with a man, it follows that you will have issues. Not simply issues related to the particular incident, but issues from the other women in the sphere of the man you are/have slept with. This I have found is a more recent phenomenon. Ten years ago, it seems like you could go have casual sex if you were careful, and then go about your merry way, being friends or not with the guy, with no ill effects. Nowadays it seems like more and more the boys you end up sleeping with are happy to let you suffer and the other women in their lives suffer the consequences of something which should have been between just the two of you. They call it being open and honest. Really? Well... shit. I can't argue that, it is honest. It is also cruel and sometimes just rude. I don't want to deal with some crazy girl you are sleeping with who is in love with you and says she can handle a non committal sex only relationship, and then freaks out completely when you admit openly that you and I have slept together. What we do is between us, and what you two do is between you two. Seem shady? Well... Let me put this delicately... It seems like the women in your life would be much happier if you would instead of the "honesty" tried for more "Discretion". There is no need to flaunt the fact that you have several women you sleep with, you tell a girl once and then you let it go. You don't brag about it and you don't introduce the parties to each other, or expect them to happily skip down the lane together now do you? You do? Wow... then you have either, a lot of balls, no regard for any woman, or no brains. Now.... Some girls can handle the casual thing, but I'm here to tell you we're rare! There are many more ladies out there who will tell you that they are ok with it, and then flip the fuck out when you take them up on their cavalier, yet ultimately fake acceptance of another female in your realm. Discretion boys, is the better part of valor, it will keep the women in your life happy. There is a reason that people say ignorance is bliss, and I'm not telling you to lie to your ladies, but you don't have to rub it in either now do you? All of this is after a year of watching a couple of people who are very good at being honest, and the girls they deal with falling apart when their worlds are shattered. Be nice boys! and hey.. Girls? Stop being psycho bitches to the other women in your men's lives, they are in the exact same boat as you, so recognize, and move on. As a side note, the author is not involved in the above described drama, I am merely an audience member.

~Jules

American Values

How many people feel their skin start to crawl, and feel a weight start to press down upon them, when they hear the word "values" these days? Is that what the Founding Fathers intended? That people would feel sick and apprehensive when they considered the values that defined their country?

I don't think so.

America was a country founded on the promise of a dream of freedom.

So here is a value for you ... and one that will work for you when other people observe it ...

Mind
Your own
Fucking
Business

That's right. Mind your own fucking business. Don't worry about other people. Don't worry about what they're doing. And, if we ever got to point where everybody followed that advice, you wouldn't get that scared, sick, clammy feeling when you heard some asshole mention the word "values" ... Because you would know that it wasn't being used to bend you to someone else's will and make you live your life in some way you did not want to.

An Un-Friending

Recently, I received a series of reproachful email messages from a close friend of 30 years, in response, he said, to the post on this site about the Tea Party (with which he claims to have no affiliation and know little about).

Based on that post, he accused me of being a socialist, a Nazi, a racist, crazy, a follower of Jessie Jackson, and, furthermore, suggested at least a couple of times that people in general and I in particular do not have the right to live wherever we choose in the country (this latter suggestion is so outlandish that I assumed he was joking the first time he made it, but he subsequently clarified that he was not). There were some other accusations and personal attacks in there as well but they all sort of rambled and one thought did not necessarily follow another in a way I could understand and I could almost sense rage behind his broken, jumbled, and repetitive prose. He made it clear in them however, that we were no longer friends.

To suggest I am not very upset by this would be untrue. I take friendship very seriously and it never occurred to me that our friendship would ever end, much less over uncertain views of mine that I never approached him with and which he had to seek out. Certainly, it would seem to me that there is more here than is meeting my eye, but I don't know what to do about it.

So, all very strange and disquieting. But it would seem to be a sign of the times ... How often are people being un-friended these days for forwarding intolerant, bigoted, email messages to everyone in their address books? Not often enough, apparently, or they would not keep doing it. But suggest tolerance and moderation and that is going too far.

A Lack of Original Thinking

The past week or so, I have been sort of beating myself up for not following up on the Tea Party-oriented thread that precedes this one ... I know what I want to say, but between the newspaper I help run, my little publishing company, the book I just got contracted to write, etc., I just haven't had the time to give the subject the attention it deserves. And everyone else who emails me things, makes posts I see to Facebook, and the like, has been dutifully staying on top of their commentary.

And then it struck me: I can't remember the last time anyone sent me anything that reflected an opinion in their own words. It is all other people's ideas -- ideas about healthcare, the president, minorities, etc. -- that they agree with so much that they want to share it with everyone they know.

OK, so not everyone is a writer, not everyone is particularly articulate, and there is nothing wrong with agreeing with what someone else thinks, right? But shouldn't people be expected to come up with their own ideas at least once in awhile? It really does seem a little lazy, a little pathetic, even somewhat ominous.

You may not agree with my views in general, and that's fine; you'll probably be happier if you don't. But, for what it's worth, I do care enough to say what I really think, not just hit "Forward" and distribute someone else's thoughts because I can't come up with any of my own. And the next time you're inclined to do that, please hesitate just a few seconds ... And consider whether you would be saying the same thing if you had to say it yourself.

(Re)Considering Allegations of Racism

My friend L.H. recently wrote to me to complain about my characterization of Tea Partiers as racists in my previous post, "Teabagged in Searchlight, Nevada."

"I think you have fallen victim to media stereotyping and not thinking open mindedly like what you complain about in your blog," he said. "I have questions about tea patiers, who is in charge what is their agenda etc. I have never been to one of their events so I do not know what goes on. However labeling anyone who opposes any form of socialism that is presented by the democrats as a racist has no justification. My friends who go to Tea party events are mixed race couples and I don't think that they would take their children who are labeled as African Americans or Asian Americans to racist events. ... I think that the whole tea party thing is a lot of angry people and some others trying to make money off of them but labeling that group as racist places you in the same category for letting someone else decide what you think."

I have to admit, and am a bit embarassed to do so, that I did use the term "racist" pretty casually and without any careful consideration before doing so. That is a pretty serious charge -- and one that I have long thought gets made too quickly in our country anymore. My friend has made some incorrect assumptions about what led me to do so, but his challenge deserves a response and has prompted me to do some soul-searching about what prompted me to make this characterization.

Following are factors that may or may not have played some role in my subconscious determination that Tea Partiers are racist, along with factors I have subsequently consciously taken into consideration. (It will take me a few days to get all my thoughts out, but they will appear in this space.)

-- The Media Told Me to Think It --
To start with, this comment seems predicated on the myth of the "liberal media." I would, however, challenge any American to conduct a simple experiment: Select the TV news channel of their choice -- CNN, MSNBC, Fox, it doesn't matter -- watch it for an hour during prime time, and count the number of commercials for the pharmaceutical industry, the most lucrative in the country, that appear. This should make it pretty clear that to the extent that is a single "the media," it is in fact exceedingly corporate in nature and not liberal at all.

Beyond that, a little reflection will also reveal that, far from being reviled by the media, the Tea Party is in fact a media darling. Consider recent Tea Party events in Nashville, Tennessee, and Austin, Texas, which received national media coverage. Only 200-400 people showed up at these events and nothing newsworthy actually happened at them. What other group gets coverage at all for such trivial activities?

If "the media" wanted to hurt the Tea Party it would just ignore it.

-- Nationalist Movements Tend to be Racist in Character --
First, I think it is fair to characterize any organization whose members dress themselves in clothing made from American flags is nationalist in nature. And, unfortunately, I cannot think of a single nationalist movement that is not racist to one extent or another. Major ones that come to mind are Nazism, Japanese imperialism, and, closer to home, the No-Nothing and Native American political parties of the 19th century (and no, I don't mean American Indian; do your homework before bitching about this one).

Tea Party Supporters Make Racist Comments/Wear Racist Regalia.

The Tea Party Denies Being a Racist Organization.

Minorities Would not be Part of a Racist Organizations.