Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Right to Bare Arms

If there is one thing conservatives are good at it is observing appropriate gender roles. But, while the boys are all posting pictures of AR-15s, asserting their 2nd Amendment rights to be able to slaughter entire classrooms of children, and ranting about "tyrants" and "despots," what are the girls supposed to do? Complain about Michelle Obama's sleeveless dresses, of course! Yes, ladies, that's what the guys have been going on about when you hear them talking about "bare arms." So, while they are showing off their guns, you can complain about Mrs. Obama showing hers.

This particular line of complaint did, of course, catch me off guard the first time I saw someone post about it, but after that it was not surprising to see it again and again. What could be more conservatively responsible, after all, than to simply reiterate someone else's already existing thoughts? Leave it to the liberals, hippies, communists, homosexuals, etc., to profligately reinvent the wheel and needlessly waste all those words on original composition every time they need to say something. With that in mind, following are some stock responses you can feel free to use anytime you see a conservative lady complaining on Facebook or other social media about the First Lady's fashion sense (and it had better be a lady doing it, because only a man who was gay would care enough to complain about this, and his very existence would anger God and make baby Jesus cry).

* "They obviously have a different fashion sense in Washington, D.C, than we do here in Texas!" (Note: Feel free to swap out "Texas" for Oklahoma, Arkansas, Alabama, or whatever center of haute couture you happen to be from.)

* "I guess I kind of agree with you, but I don't actually think black people look good in anything."

* "Yeah, if the First Lady had lunch lady arms she probably wouldn't be showing them off, either."

* "You're right! If she is going to be everybody's First Lady then she is going to need to appeal to the Walmart crowd, too."

* "Yes, she really is stupid if she hasn't figured out that people are watching her like vultures and waiting to criticize everything she does!"

Enjoy! And you can easily customize any of those responses by preceding them with "LOL!", following them with a winky face emoticon -- ;) -- or some other minor addition. And have you got some of your own? If so, please post them as a comment here so that we can all appreciate and share them!


  1. All I can say to this is...BRAVO, Mike!

  2. Dear America, please STOP! Has your ability to construct a meaningful political dialogue died, or does it simply appear that way because now everyone has access to a broad public stage (the internet)?

  3. One word coming from a woman.....jealousy. How many women the age of our First Lady can pull off sleeveless attire and look as good as she does. One answer, no one who looks as good in sleeveless attire as she does is compaining about how she looks.

  4. I am glad that I do not know *any* of the people you are referring to.