Looking for God in all the Wrong Places

I was raised in the Midwest, Minnesota to be precise, in a Lutheran household.  Going to church every Sunday, attending Sunday school, and singing in whatever Choir was appropriate for my age at a given time was simply part of life. I will not go so far to say that faith or religion in general was of foremost importance to me in my youth, but it was a significant part of my life and did play a role in the person I grew to become.

As often is the case, once I left home my life grew too busy and my overwhelming schedule of working and going to college simultaneously led to my rarely attending services of any kind.  For more than a decade, I was pretty much un-churched other than the occasional ritualistic holiday service attendance.  I married and started a career, neither my job nor my husband at the time found religion to be important so it was actually quite easy to forget its former importance to me.

By the time my daughters were two and three, I began to feel that it was my responsibility to “expose” them to religion because I felt that by not doing so I was choosing for them.  So while living on a military compound in Mannheim Germany in the 80’s, I began to attend generic Protestant services each Sunday, and joined both the choir and a group called Protestant Women of the Chapel.

During that time, our entire family was a regular fixture at Sunday services as well as numerous other church sponsored activities.  This period was a fairly lonely time for me since my husband seemed to always be at work or at a work related activity and I found solace in my new church friends.  Beyond that, for the first time in my life, I saw something in these people, a light, a joy, a positive sense of direction and hope for the future that I had been missing. Many of these people had suffered great loss in their lives and yet they remained at peace and I wanted that peace, that joy, that sense of knowing what the future would bring.

As it turned out, my sense of well-being would be short lived.  My marriage ended abruptly while I was still in Germany and I ultimately collected up a few suitcases of belongings and my two daughters and headed home to Minnesota with no idea what I would be doing or what the future would bring. As they say, timing is everything and since my father had recently passed away, my Mother was overjoyed to have her daughter and grand-daughters close by.  There was never any question but that we would all attend church each and every Sunday together, and so we did.

For awhile, I considered staying in that small town of my childhood dreaming that my girls would benefit from growing up there, but career opportunities were limited and I actually missed city life.  So after six months, we rented a moving van, collected the furniture items we had acquired during our brief stay and moved back to the DC area.

This was during the administration of George H. W. Bush and employment opportunities were not good even in the DC area, but I was able to get a job which led to a better job and so on.  We tried attending a local Lutheran church nearby, but the pastor seemed really creepy and we never returned. By year three I was working at a state university near my home and enjoying life.  My daily commute took me by a small but attractive Lutheran church and eventually one Sunday I got the girls and I all dressed up and off we went to church.  Perhaps if things had gone differently, I might never have gone back, but these people seemed genuinely interested in us and even came by to visit us in our home. 

Once again I became a regular Sunday church goer and my girls really liked Sunday school.  Over time we all embraced our church family, all singing in the choirs, attending youth events, and vacation bible school and bible camp. Eventually I was asked to become an elder and proudly accepted thinking that perhaps I was finally one of those people that others saw joy and hope within.

There were probably always little red flags that suggested something other than a desire to feel closer to God and serve him in some of the church members.  There seemed to be a profound emphasis on material things and affluence amongst some prominent members that made me uncomfortable but I chose to ignore. I think that by the time I retired in 2008, I was seriously considering looking for a new church home.  In 2009 we moved all the way to Texas and during the first few months I attended services at a few Lutheran churches and at one nondenominational church and none of them felt quite right.  After learning that one of the most prominent members of the one I favored the most was actually a convicted white collar criminal who had destroyed the lives of thousands of people, I stopped looking.

Probably the most profound disappointment of my life as a Christian came in the spring of 2012 when I spent a month back in the DC area with my daughters.  Because I was going to be in the area over Easter, I thought it would be fun to sing with my old church choir.  Sadly, I got a terrible cold and was unable to sing, but did attend several services. 

I was deeply disappointed in what my old church had become.  I had been a part of a huge fundraising effort to build a proper sanctuary for what had once been a quaint little church and had myself contributed more than $12,000 toward that end. I noted with great disappointment the nearly empty sanctuary on both Palm Sunday and Easter, days that the church used to be filled to overflowing. At first I wasn’t quite sure what was behind this poor attendance, but it soon became abundantly clear to me that the overall atmosphere was not one of peace, love, understanding or even mutual respect among the congregation.  In particular, during the children’s talk the lay minister asked the children about who they would invite to their birthday party.  When he specifically asked them if they would invite the President, and got a loud no from at least one very young child, which resulted in laughter by some of the adults and a comment from the woman seated next to me that it was great, I began to understand.

Over the next several days, I spent a lot of time wondering what had happened within that church and numerous others that condoned overt disrespect towards an elected official. I wondered if these same people who found this amusing because they held differing political views from the current President would think it equally funny when children showed disrespect to a teacher, a principal, or to a police officer.  After all, a message was being clearly conveyed to very young children that they need not show respect and it that it was even OK to say mean things and hate. I often hear Christian friends claim that allowing prayer in school will solve many of today's problems, but how can that be true when they are being exposed to hate and intolerance in their churches?

As I see it, religion has lost its way, lost sight of the love for fellow mankind that Jesus preached.  People now judge others, try to control the lives of others, discriminate against others, commit acts of violence against others and say mean hateful things to others, all in the name of religion.  I can only think that Jesus is heartbrokenly disappointed on what many religious institutions do in his name and the name of his Father.  I am a spiritual person, I believe in doing good when I can and certainly in doing no harm to others.  I also believe that people are free to do what they choose when it does not harm others, even if I don’t agree with their actions.

 

I now accept that I will never again be a member of any religious institution and I am comfortable with that decision.  Perhaps if there is a day of Rapture as many believe, I will be left behind, but so will many of the most prominent members and leaders of religious institutions, because they have long ago lost sight of the teachings of Jesus.

Can Blood Be Too Thick

All the time we see on TV friends and family members of criminals, politicians, and other public figures who are guilty of misconduct standing by their loved ones.  Most recently I recall the wife of General Jeffery Sinclair asking that he not be reduced in rank because it would be a hardship for his family to live on the retirement pay of a Lieutenant Colonel.  Really, I bet a lot of Lieutenant Colonels find that pretty hard to stomach.  Even more important is the given fact that during his career, Sinclair most certainly ended the careers of subordinates for far less egregious misconduct than he himself received a mere slap on the wrist for without giving a moment’s consideration to their families.

The family members of George Zimmerman come to mind as well. Not only were they strong supporters of his right to shoot and kill an unarmed teenager, they showed total indifference to the feelings of Treyvon Martin’s family, displaying a “he got what he deserved” attitude.

Looking at these two examples, I have to wonder if perhaps friends and families can and often do go too far in their support.  Personally I suspect that in the case of General Sinclair, the good ole’ boy network of Army General Officers chose to look the other way until they no longer could, as they always do when it comes to one of their own. 

 I once supervised a young soldier who had served in a clerical position in the Office of the Vice Chief of Staff, Army.  He candidly told me that misconduct by the Army’s most senior leaders was fairly common place and included numerous instances of adultery, misappropriation, and even shoplifting.  He was responsible for typing up the letters of reprimand, i.e. wrist slaps that never kept these officers from being further promoted because they were maintained in an area of their personnel file that no one would ever see. Mind you, he never told me the names of these personnel, but having been a Military Police Officer and seen some cases myself, I found no reason to doubt what he said. So the question I pose is how long do friends and family members have to ignore the bad behavior of a person before it causes real harm and/or escalates to more serious criminal behavior?

I was inspired to write this piece as a follow-up to an earlier blog Bad People Do Bad Things, Count on It. I had known the subject of that blog (let’s call him “Sam”) for nearly five years and had personally witnessed him behave inappropriately on a number of occasions.  Beyond that, I had heard of other things from mutual acquaintances that Sam had done before I ever knew him.  Even I was guilty of looking the other way and making excuses for him on some level.  When you have an adult man (pushing 70) who doesn’t make any attempt to control his use of profanity in public no matter how many young children are present, chases waitresses into the kitchens of restaurants, and actually salutes the breasts of the well endowed daughter of a friend, and the only response he gets from his wife is to giggle and say “Oh Sam,” you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to see that he probably doesn’t actually see his behavior as at all inappropriate.

I wrote the initial blog as an outlet for frustration due to his actually getting away with unethical and illegal conduct, but I admit that I secretly hoped that either he or a member of his family would see the piece and know who I was talking about.  I don’t know what kind of response I expected from any of them if any of them read it, but fantasized about Sam stomping around the room blustering about slander and law suits and even contacting a lawyer only to learn that not only had he not been named in the blog, but neither was the school or the community so he had no case. Of course beyond that, I hadn’t written anything that was not 100% true, he really did those things.  In any case, as recently as this week it became obvious that someone in his family had read the blog and knew who it was about.  I know this because his adult children had “unfriended” me, my husband, and both my daughters on Facebook.  Really, like I want anything to do with people of this caliber.  I am laughing picturing the family meeting with the wife blubbering about their reputations and Sam trying to figure out how to get revenge. Sadly, what I cannot imagine happening is either of those children asking him “did you do those things?”  Obviously the “rotten” apples didn’t fall far from that tree.

Life has many lessons and one of many things that I take away from this experience is that some families stick together no matter what; beyond that, they justify the bad behavior of each other.  We did not raise our daughters to never question the behavior of their parents or to accept everything we do as the best and only way.  You can bet that had my husband done what Sam did and someone wrote about it identifying him only by his conduct, I would never, ever have told my daughters about it and asked them to support him.  Their first question would have been, “did Dad actually do those things?”

No one is perfect and good all of the time, but I firmly believe that especially as parents, we lead by example.  What we teach our children when they are young and the examples we set for them are what makes them who they are as adults.  Here, and in everything, the adult children of Sam are behaving the only way they can, circling the wagons and justifying his bad behavior…and their own children are watching.  That alone in all of this makes me sad.

The New Atheist Activism In America

My good friend Darin Anthony sent me the following survey that he developed as part of a project for a social psychology class he is taking. I think it asks some interesting questions and made me articulate my own views on the subject of "atheist activism," to the extent that such a thing exists, and the attempts of Creationists to impose their sectarian viewpoints on society. As the graphic at the bottom of this page indicates, in any event, atheists comprise a very small percentage of Americans. Comments are welcome! 

1. How would you describe your faith life?

I am a person of faith with an active religious life, which includes daily prayer and monthly worship.

2. What is your personal opinion of atheists?

My view of American atheists in general is that they have renounced religion because they have been exposed to too much rather than too little of it. I furthermore believe that many have confused the concepts of "religion" and "God" and that if they understood they could renounce the one while still embracing the other that many might be persons of faith.

3. What is your personal opinion of the atheists you have known?

On par, most atheists I know are more intelligent and better educated than religious people I know. Most appear to have made an intellectual decision to choose atheism and many of them have become atheists after being driven away from religion by extremist family members or negative experiences in fundamentalist congregations. They run the gamut in terms of morality, many being genuinely good people and others being completely amoral.

4. Have you done anything to support your faith or belief system?

Yes. I make myself available talk to people about faith, God, and religion when they want to discuss them or have questions. I do not proselytize in any way because I think it is counterproductive and that other people can make legitimate religious decisions that are completely different than my own.

5. Why do you think atheists become activists against things like creationism being taught in schools?

Under the best of conditions, I believe they are doing so to keep America from becoming a dumbed-down, medievalized, fundamentalist state (i.e., in the way that Iran is often criticized for being). Often, however, I get the impression that they are also being driven by a personal contempt for religion.

6. What impact do you see if any has atheist activism had on our country?

Overall, I believe anything that could be explicitly identified as "atheist activism" has had a negative effect on America, in large part because it has led fundamentalists to believe they are being attacked and to respond accordingly. "Secular humanist activism" or somesuch would come off as much less antagonistic, and not necessarily be incompatible with peoples' religious views. The promise of America is, in any event, that people should be able to have any sorts of beliefs they want and still be able to peacefully and productively coexist with people who have differing or even opposed points of view.

7. What effect do you think creationism is having as it is taught in schools?

Mythology, taught as such, has great value in understanding the universe and our place in it. I believe that teaching myths as if they represent a literal truth diminishes the value of those stories, does not give them the respect they deserve, and has the effect of making people narrow minded and intellectually backward.

8. If atheist activists win their cause how do you think it will affect you personally?

Not sure if anyone will "win" if compromise, mutual respect, and coexistence are not the results. In a sense, atheists and religious people alike both already "won" more than 230 years ago, when America was founded as a secular state that guaranteed freedom of religion. Understanding the collective value of this is what will allow everyone to "win."

9. If atheist activists win their cause how do you think it will affect the nation?

If their goal to is to keep America a nation where religion does not dictate policy but where people can worship as they see fit while respecting the rights of others then it will affect the nation positively. If their goal is to curtail peoples' rights to worship privately or to antagonize religious people then I believe it will have a negative, fragmenting effect on the nation.

10. What do you think will happen if atheist activists lose their battle against creationism being taught in schools?

If creationism is taught in schools then it will severely damage efforts to effectively educate American students. Football and overemphasis on athletic activities that benefit only a few, standardized testing, cutting of arts and humanities programs, etc., have already harmed the true mission of education — to provide students with facts and to teach them how, not what, to think. 

Percentage of atheists and agnostics by region.

My Page, or Yours

I have to admit to being somewhat addicted to Facebook.  For me it has become a way to reconnect with friends and classmates from my youth so that we can reminisce about the good ole days. I also spent 32 years in the Army so have friends located pretty much all over the world and Facebook makes it possible to easily keep in touch with them. My preference is to post only feel good or amusing things and cute cat pictures. Occasionally, I will about write something more serious or use Facebook to promote a blog that I have written so that friends who are interested can read what I have written.

I take writing very seriously, as I feel everyone should.  I carefully collect my thoughts and read what I have written aloud to my husband Michael, who is a professional writer and journalist, to make sure my intent is clear and concise.  I have always been open to comments from others on my page so long as they more or less stick to the topic being discussed and remain respectful of the fact that they are writing on my page and not their own.

Yesterday I felt a need to do something on Facebook that I have never in the past done, I deleted several posts from an individual on my page.  The post was in reference to the last blog I wrote on this site, Bad People Do Bad Things, Expect It.  As I clearly indicated in the posts introduction, I sometimes write when I need to figure out situations that I have trouble understanding. I did not write the piece to convince anyone of anything, not did I ask them to pass judgment on anyone person or institution, and I most certainly did not want anyone to incorporate their own baggage, make numerous assumptions, and make a case for why the conduct I had concluded was bad, was in fact somehow justified.

Initially, I simply ignored the comments, actually feeling a little embarrassed for the author that not only were they off topic, but poorly written with numerous spelling and grammatical errors.  Ignoring them didn’t seem to get the point across; they just kept coming, finally reaching a point where they were stating a need for more information so they could “pass judgment” and implying that I had written only one side of the incident, and ultimately that the school had something to hide.  How he came to these conclusions is beyond me given that he does not live within a thousand miles of the community where the incident occurred and does not know anyone who was involved.

It certainly appears that this man has his own history (baggage) with Christian schools and that he was, without any facts or information, assigning any and all shortcomings he had experienced or witnessed to the school about which I was writing.  I, on the other hand, live in this community and know the players involved in this incident. The vast majority of the information I wrote about came from the person I ultimately concluded had acted badly, not from the school.

What is also clear to me is that some people just need to argue.  If you see what looks like a duck, see it walking like a duck and quacking, you don’t need to interview the duck to know it is a duck.  By the same logic, when a person agrees to do something for a certain amount and receives what is obviously an overpayment and says nothing and then complains when they receive the agreed upon amount the next pay period, they are just plain wrong.  Quitting any job without notice for such a preposterous reason furthers that wrong as does stealing school property and making threats against school staff members.

How someone can in one post talk about how the solution to this and every other problem is for more people to go to church and then justify the actions of a thief and an extortionist is lost on me.  If a person carelessly leaves their front door unlocked and someone enters their home and steals their TV, the person is still a thief and has still broken the law.

Were I to give advice, I would say to anyone that writing is a serious business. How you write is just as important as what you write. Spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar are important if you want to be taken seriously and get your point across. The more errors in your correspondence, the less credibility you will have. Lastly, your own unsubstantiated opinions do not belong on someone else’s page, that is what your own page is for.

Bad People Do Bad Things, Expect It

When did people stop doing the right thing? When did they stop caring whether their actions harmed others?  I guess the answer to that is that there have always been some people who did not think about anyone but themselves. Thankfully, and perhaps naively, I still believe that the vast majority of people do care about others. However, I recently witnessed what I consider to be a pretty deplorable situation and have been so bothered by what transpired that it led me to write this piece. 

There is a recently organized small Christian charter school in our community that caters to those children who simply cannot learn in a traditional classroom environment.  The school’s founder did not establish it to make money but rather to provide a service, it was her calling.  There are only about 40 students enrolled in the school and the tuition is what I would call ridiculously cheap, but then the parents of these students are not affluent.  What this means is that before this school was established there was not an alternative available to them.

This is a bare bones environment; those who teach at the school do it as a service to the community for very little pay.  Witnessing the teachers reach out to their students gradually adapting to their individual learning disabilities and challenging situations is truly heartwarming.  This is the kind of individual attentiveness that can only be accomplished in a class room with no more than eight students. Any person with an ounce of common sense could look at the school and see the tuition charged and completely understand that this school is not about profit, it is about the kids, giving them a chance they otherwise probably would not have.

Back in January, my husband and I heard that the school needed a math teacher to teach one class. I mentioned this need to a few people, none of whom expressed an interest. We finally thought about an acquaintance that had always made great play of all the volunteer work he did and who also frequently professed that he did not need compensation.  We provided his name to the school administrator and he was subsequently hired to teach one class each day beginning the last week of January.

By all accounts, although a bit forgetful, he did a good job and the kids liked him.  All appeared well until the February pay checks were given out to the staff just prior to Spring break.  He was extremely dissatisfied with what he was being paid and quit immediately without notice. Further investigation determined that he had in fact been accidently over paid in January by a factor of five since he only taught one week that month and thus extrapolated that that he should receive five times that amount for February.  It should be noted that he demanded to be paid more than the full time staff members and indicated that if he was not paid the amount demanded that he would “bad mouth” the school.  He also stole books from the school and said he would not return them unless they paid him. Needless to say, my husband and I were mortified that we had ever suggested him as a candidate, but then who knows the evil that lurks in the hearts of men.

This whole situation devastated the school, particularly the administrator who was responsible for the accidental overpayment.  Hoping to minimize any potential damage to the school and erroneously believing that paying him off would put an end to an ugly situation, the school paid him.  Actually, the administrator forfeited her own salary for the period of his employment to cover his unearned and extorted pay. To say that they should not have done this would be an understatement given that he was not only a thief, but an extortionist as well, and he had already begun to make malicious and false statements about the school and many of its staff members. He acted like a classic bully, and the school gave him their lunch money.

Perhaps they should have known better, perhaps they should have known that a person who did the kind of things this man did could not be trusted, in any and all things. But they are, after all, a Christian school and were ill equipped to deal with actions so vile.

Looking at this situation, I ask myself, why did he accept a position for pay that he ultimately considered inadequate? Did he simply hate teaching there and use this as a way of leaving? Why did he not ask why his initial paycheck was five times the amount he was told he would be paid? Did he not care about the significant impact his departure would have on already-challenged kids? Did he not care how the other far more qualified teachers would feel about his being paid at a rate five times what they were receiving? Had he known that an individual would be giving up their own pay to compensate him would he have done the same thing?

I think the only conclusion most people would come to is that he is incapable of thinking about anyone other than himself, that the charitable nature he has presented to so many is nothing but a façade, that he didn’t give a hoot about the kids, or that he is a truly bad person.  Or, maybe he just needed the money and was willing to forfeit any pretense of decency to get it.