Choosing to Have a Happy Holiday

Israel some 2,000 years ago was as diverse and multicultural as about any place on Earth. Readers to whom this has not occured should recall that the region was occupied by the Roman Empire, that it had maintained strong ties with the Greek world since Alexander the Great had incorporated it into his empire some three centuries earlier, and that it was a crossroads connecting Europe, Africa, and Asia. So, exactly 20 centuries ago, people in Jerusalem and the surrounding lands were celebrating dozens, if not hundreds, of different holidays. And yet, there is not one episode in the Bible of Jesus or any of his followers snarling in displeasure because some good-natured Roman, Greek, or other pagan wished them a "happy holiday" during this festive time of year.

It is, frankly, inconceivable to me that Jesus would have responded in this way. For me, it is a matter of faith that Jesus was not a bitter, petty man, and we know from the Bible that he responded to the worst cruelty with gentle words and forgiveness. So it seems unthinkable that he would have replied to well-intended words with unpleasantness, and I imagine that when someone wished Jesus "Happy holidays!" that he simply smiled and returned the sentiment. It is thus somewhat baffling and distressing to see so many of Jesus's supposed followers in our own age responding to sincere holiday wishes with anger and affront.

And yet every year we see the stories on the news about the angry, stupid people who fume about being offended, about the fictitious "War on Christmas," about rights they have supposedly lost, because people better and nicer than them have condescended to wish them a "happy holiday."

This sort of reaction would, in any event, seem to go contrary to Christian values. Isn't Christianity, after all, supposed to be a joyful religion? But there does not seem to be any joy in the angry "Christians" who take offense at people wishing them the best during the holidays. Isn't Christianty supposed to be a religion of forgiveness? Vindictiveness would certainly seem to be almost the opposite of that. And isn't Christianity supposed to be based upon an individual's freedom of choice? Censuring, punishing, or goading people to observe only one's own holiday would likewise seem to be an attempt to rob them of their free choice. Responding unpleasantly to wishes of "happy holidays" would thus appear to actually be anti-Christian in character. Baby Jesus did not cry when the pagan magi wished the shepherds "happy holidays" when they entered his manger, but he probably would if he could hear the angry minions who claim to follow him being nasty to well-wishers during this time of year.

So, I would like to wish you a Happy Holiday, whether that holiday is Christmas -- which I myself celebrate -- Hannukah, Eid, the Winter Solstice, Saturnalia, or anything else. And, it is completely up to you as to whether you will have a happy holiday, or instead choose to be angry because other people are enjoying this time of year in a manner other than your own.

Trump to be First African-American, LGBT, Jewish Presidential Candidate

In a dramatic attempt to woo voters across the political and cultural spectrum, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has announced that he will become the first African-American, transgender, lesbian, Jewish contender for the White House. 

This transformation, Trump said, will involve a rigorous course of gender reassignment, hormone therapy, and rabbinical training. He also produced a birth certificate showing he was born in Kenya, and therefore by definition an African-American. 

"No diggity, homies," said Trump, dressed in a FUBU track suit and nursing a 40-ounce bottle of malt liquor, in the address to the NAACP where he made his announcement. "I love the blacks! And they love me, believe me, they do." 

"Whazzup, thick?" Trump said to DNC Vice Chairwoman Donna Brazile as he unsuccessfully tried to dap with her following the meeting. "My next wife is going to be a black chick. But a young one, of course." 

Trump's announcement was, met with skepticism by women's rights groups, the LGBT community, African-Americans, Jews, and the electorate in general, amid questions over whether this could harm his appeal with his base. 

"I'll have blood coming out of my eyes, blood coming out of my wherever once I'm a woman, and my boobs will be huuuuge," Trump responded. "And I'll still be white and rich, so all those trailer people who come to my rallies are still going to love me."