In a dramatic attempt to woo voters across the political and cultural spectrum, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has announced that he will become the first African-American, transgender, lesbian, Jewish contender for the White House. This transformation, Trump said, will involve a rigorous course of gender reassignment, hormone therapy, and rabbinical training. He also produced a birth certificate showing he was born in Kenya, and therefore by definition an African-American.
"No diggity, homies," said Trump, dressed in a FUBU track suit and nursing a 40-ounce bottle of malt liquor, in the address to the NAACP where he made his announcement. "I love the blacks! And they love me, believe me, they do."
"Whazzup, thick?" Trump said to DNC Vice Chairwoman Donna Brazile as he unsuccessfully tried to dap with her following the meeting. "My next wife is going to be a black chick. But a young one, of course."
Trump's announcement was, met with skepticism by women's rights groups, the LGBT community, African-Americans, Jews, and the electorate in general, amid questions over whether this could harm his appeal with his base.
"I'll have blood coming out of my eyes, blood coming out of my wherever once I'm a woman, and my boobs will be huuuuge," Trump responded. "And I'll still be white and rich, so all those trailer people who come to my rallies are still going to love me."
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment