Saturday, January 12, 2013

A 21st-Century 'Devil's Dictionary'

This being the 100-year anniversary of Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary, I thought it would be appropriate to begin creating a 21st century counterpart to it. I began doing so about this time last year but got drawn off onto two major book projects and ended up pushing this project and any number of other ones to the back burner. Coincidentally, one of those books, my true crime compendium Texas Confidential: Sex, Scandal, Murder, and Mayhem in the Lone Star State, contains a chapter about Bierce. While doing research on the book, I stumbled across a compelling new theory about the final days of the popular author and explore it in the aptly-named chapter "The Death of Ambrose Bierce."

Bierce's satirical book had its roots in writings he did in the 1850s and ensuing decades and is an incisive critique of language and the way people use/misuse it. Some initial entries appear below, more will follow, and people are encouraged to reply with their own! Other terms soon to be posted will include "Accusation," "Weirdo-American," "Communist," "Freedom," "Patriotism," "Big Government," and "Second Amendment."

Liberal: Term used by rightwingers to characterize anyone who disagrees with them, regardless of those people's political leanings, beliefs, or motivations.

Asshole-American: An increasingly significant demographic group characterized by individuals who typically can only make their points by shouting down their detractors, advocate violence against their fellow citizens, and suffer from extreme paranoia. Prominent Asshole-Americans include rightwing radio hosts Rush Limbaugh and Alex Jones and psychopath Ted Nugent.

I Support the Troops: A phrase used to indicate that the speaker will not oppose any ongoing military conflict. No actual support for anyone is required beyond periodically uttering the phrase, "I support the troops," which is generally intended to make everyone feel warm and fuzzy and signal that commentary on the war is not welcome.

Values (noun): Any system of beliefs that can be forced upon other people. Sometimes also ideas adopted by individuals as a means of justifying the dismal situations they have created for themselves, particularly with regard to spouses and offspring.

War (noun): A word used to characterize any major venture that has no end in sight; cannot be "won" in any foreseeable way, even if that was the intent in the first place; and is generally intended to prop up one or more sectors of the economy. It is intended to signal the indefinite nature of the supposed conflict and warn people against opposing it. Examples include "the War on Drugs" and "the War on Terror." Note: This word had a significantly different meaning up to c. 1945.

10 comments:

  1. These definitions lack subtlety and wit

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  2. Is that so? ;) So, you agree with the sentiments behind the definitions and just think they would be more effectively presented with the application of more subtlety and wit? Or, do you mean that you disagree with them and that any subtlety and wit the definitions contain would be irrelevant to you anyway? Either way, you are certainly welcome to try and do better! This is an open forum, so feel free to demonstrate some subtlety and wit for us.

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  3. This is neither intelligent nor original, but...."Yeah, what Mike said!" ;)

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  4. For one thing, Bierce keeps most of his definitions short. As a matter of style, it forces you to try to think of ways to say a lot in little words. For example:

    PEACE, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

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  5. King Yan, you make a good point about Bierce's style and I suspect you are correct about his motives. That is certainly something for me to keep in mind as we move ahead with this project.

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  6. Here's my attempt (not that I'm good at writing):

    "WAR, n. A sickness of the bald eagle caused by an irritation of the right wing."

    An extended, but less subtle, version would be:

    "WAR, n. A sickness of the bald eagle caused by an irritation of the right wing. Symptoms include a temporary inflammation of the economy followed by tight clenching of its claws, rendering it incapable of catching even the smallest of fish, resulting in its starvation "

    Another one:

    "VALUES, n. A declaration that children are the most importance resource of the nation. And like that other important resource, requires preparation in a sealed chamber under extremely high pressure. At the end of that process, it is mined by drilling a hole, extracting the pure, burning the dross, and letting the waste seep into the environment"

    Another one:

    "AMERICA, n. The shining beacon of freedom. A star flaring so bright, outshining those in its galaxy, in much the same way a supernova does."

    Another one:

    "GOVERNMENT, n. In its modern form, a sacrificial animal in the religion of liberty. A black cat on the path to freedom, liable to spook a nation more than the leopard running towards it."

    Another one:

    "FREEDOM, n. Finders keepers, losers weepers."

    And "patriotism" in the original Devil's Dictionary is just too perfect to change, I think.

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  7. "ECONOMICS, n. An agricultural science dating back the the farmers of ancient China with which it was found crops can be made to grow faster by pulling them an inch upwards everyday. The modern form has improved by allowing farmers to move to other farms to spread their technique, preferably before the crop fails."

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  8. I believe some people are missing the understanding of Bierce by using 21st century critique on 19th century wit and humor that evolved from the ongoing evolution of democracy and the explosion of the new corporate world after the Civil War. Bierce's dictionary is one of the foundations of our present descriptions of our society. As time marches on, new meanings are added to a dictionary. It's up to us to catalogue these understandings. So keep up the postings

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  9. I think the reason why Bierce's work is still so highly regarded is that most of the definitions are timeless, o I don't think it's necessarily correct to pigeon hole the dictionary as 19th century wit and humour. Good satire, throughout its history has always had that timeless feel to it.

    One of the reasons for this feel relates to the saying "brevity is the soul of wit", which held before the 19th century and certainly present in the satire of today.

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  10. King Yan, if one of your points is that Bierce is a more accomplished writer than me then I can only concede that you are correct and that I do not yet measure up to one of the greatest American writers of the 19th century! But I will keep working at it.

    In any event, I am not trying to replicate what Bierce did with his "Devil's Dictionary." While I am inspired by it, I have my own vision that I exploring with this project. If the results do not measure up to those produced by Bierce then so be it, but I would never have expected as much anyway.

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